Moving on....

This year has been one big blur.

It's already the end of June and I can't remember getting past January.

I finally feel like I am coming up for air.

Feeling.

Living.

Loving whole-heartedly.

I've neglected the ole blogger lately and have been writing a lot in my Love Letters to Jones journal.  It's been good for my heart.

Good for healing.

Good for moving on.

And being completely honest without the whole world seeing.

One day Jones will get to read it.

Understand who his parents are.

Why his parents are.

And truly understand how much he is loved.

We've got some exciting changes coming up.

Wish our computer was hooked up.

I have a gazillion pictures to post.

I might have to make a post with strictly pics soon.

What I was raised on....

There is just something about a country song that stirs ALL kinds of emotions deep down in my soul. Literally. No joke, y'all.

I get all kinds of giddy in my car listening to "good" country.  All kinds of giddy when any country award show comes on and I am ALL kinds of giddy because we just so happen to have fabulous seats next year at the ACM awards in Dallas.

Yes, there is plenty of drinking, cheating, getchyou some of that crap out on country radio but the gist of it, oh my soul!

I was so giddy tonight during the CMT awards that I walked(or maybe danced) a whole hour on the treadmill.....

Country music takes me back to my late teenage years, post horrendous high school days, when I came out of my little sheltered bubble and had all the confidence in the world and danced my heart out every night to country music with my roommate.  Country music made me day dream of how I wanted and did not want my life to be.  

Country music, now, makes me reminisce about my "good ole days" and my "not so good days."  My good days of young love with Cody and doing things right for the first time.  The start of me being honest with myself and honest with Cody and my "not so good days" of trying to please everyone but myself.  At one point I think I had told so many lies, trying to please everybody, I couldn't keep them straight and  relationships/friends started to crumble.  Country music was my safe place.  My healing place at that time.  Getting lost in someone else's song and working out all my BS.

So now, when I hear a great country song that takes me back to my giddy days, I get to look over at my husband and remember why I fell so deeply in love with him the first time and become giddy all over again.

A Lil' Excitement in May

Jones started Puggles in our church Awana's program this year.  I think he was a little too young to start (he was 2) but he fit right in!  Glad they let him go ahead and start because he would have been beyond bored in the nursery.  All his 3 year old buddies have birthdays before August, then its Jones in December.  They put on a program last week and he did so good!  He wasn't shy at all!  This little boy sure does brighten my days!

We celebrated Mother's Day.  My boys never disappoint!  They took care of me all weekend and week!

Last week we had a wildfire come WAY to close to our house!  It started about 15 miles from us and I watched it all day.  I knew it was coming straight for our house.  Wasn't sure if it was going to hit us or go beside us.  We watched it all day till it got about 4 miles from us.  The winds were perfect for our house to burn:(  We loaded up the dogs and a change of clothes and grabbed all of our pictures and left.  We dropped the dogs off at the vets and we headed back up to our house to watch the fire.  When the fire got a mile from us the winds shifted and it went just west of us and the firefighters were able to get it contained soon after!

We live about 10 miles from a correction facility and about 4-5 times a year they have escapees.  We always get the guns out, leave keys in the car and just stay "aware" the rest of the day.  Since we live out in the middle of nowhere and usually see no one, it would be easy to spot an escapee!  Luckily, we have never ran into one.  Well, yesterday another one escaped.  The ones that usually escape are murderers/ rapist but the guy that escaped yesterday was in there for auto theft.  Jones and I had just layed down for a nap, and our doors were unlocked but I wasn't stressing.  I just texted Cody to warn him.

Jeff was down yesterday with a friend and we had 4 hunters come in. I assumed Cody would fill them in on an escapee drama.  Midway through our nap Cody comes busting through our bedroom door in a tizzy!  He said he had been trying to call me to make sure we were OK and that the escapee was on our land.  Cody called 911 and the cops came to pick him up.

While Jeff and his friends/hunters were riding 4/wheelers on the ranch they see this guy walking across the field.  They  of course go over to him and question him.  He made up some long excuse about fighting with his girlfriend, yadayadayada and went for a walk. Jeff asked him how he got in his ranch and he said he went under a fence.  Obviously he didn't since we have a 12 foot high fence.  Anyways, Jeff loaded him up on his 4 wheeler and escorted him out of the high fence, gave him a water and sent him on his way.  All the boys went back to the lodge and as Cody was driving up he sees a guy walking to the lodge.  Jeff then told Cody that that guy was in the middle of the ranch and filled Cody in on what had happened earlier.  Cody then tells the guys who he thinks he is and goes in and calls 911.  Jeff goes back out and talks to the guy and pointed him towards Woodward again and about 5 minutes later the cops come.

Whats HILARIOUS! is that the first cop that came was like, "this isn't him" and they are all like YES IT IS!  Cody had showed everyone the picture of the escapee they had put on FB and it was obviously him.  Finally a second cop shows up and says, "it's him, lets go" and they leave.  What is even FUNNIER is another cop had posted on the fb page that "So and So sheriff from Harper county made the arrest...Good job boss!"  I just laughed.  I wanted to write was he the first cop that came and almost let him go, or the second cop who came?  I figured they would have at least thanked Cody and the hunters for calling him in and keeping him close or something, or question them or maybe a high five, thanks..........but no.

We have had way too much excitement in May!

Blessed and Broken......

and so on..........

Every year, when I write my first blog, I think about past years and I always get curious about the current year, and wonder what it will bring us.  I always think about  how blessed we have been year after year and I always wonder whether or not this will be the year the ball drops on us.  I am pretty sure the last time that ball dropped was in 2009....so I guess we were due for another......

We have been crazy busy this year.  We have either been out of town or had hunters down every weekend.  Yesterday we were able to make it to church and he was definitly preaching to me, it was all about why God lets us suffer.

I have looked back on all the times I have suffered, there have been too many to count, but I have always stayed faithful.  Never really questioned "the why" and had faith that a blessing would show its pretty face soon after my suffering.  In a perfect world "the why" would be lovely, but I have faith that things, the good and the bad, all work together to form the "perfect plan" for my life.

I will always believe that.

Cody and I started the new year with exciting news.  We were going to bring another little one into the world.  I would be 13 weeks today, but the Lord had other plans.  We lost our baby two weeks ago. 

I wish I knew why....

I want to be angry....

but I choose not to be.....

I will continue to be faithful.....

I will continue to be thankful.

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothes immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This song through enldess ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way