I was a different person back then. A person I wish to never be again. It was my second year of college. I had just gotten out of a horrid relationship. A relationship that took me 6 months to get out of, a relationship that did a number to my heart, my sanity, my trust and a relationship that shaped my thought process for a year and a half afterwards.
I had turned into a person that felt nothing.
I cared for nothing.
I was completely numb.
I was oblivious to the world around me.....zombie like.
My day usually consisted of sleeping in, work, class, and staying up all night with my friends....repeat.
On 9/11 I, of course, was sleeping in. Our apartment phone rang and I let the machine get it..it rang again, and again, and again until I finally answered it in a tizzy. It was my roommates mom and she was very upset. Her daughter was already at school. She told me I needed to turn my TV on and that the world was about to change.
I angrily got out of bed, turned my TV on, caught a glimpse of what was happening. Was wondering what it had to do with us in Tyler, TX and went back to sleep.
When I made it into work that morning everyone was so emotional....I felt nothing. I waited tables then and we had a mandatory meeting that morning. The only thing we discussed was how to treat/react to customers who would more than likely come in that day and take out their frustration on us. I was so confused on why something in NY would effect the people I would come across that day.....I was so over it.
During that time I was going to Ft Worth every other week for Dr.'s appointments. I was having surgery on my leg that coming December. Those drives came at just the right time. I had 3 hours each way to think. To get over myself. To stop being the victim. To get on with my life. To move on. To not look back. To get my thought process back. My normal thought process back. That's the year I learned there are bad bad people in this world and it took me awhile to get over that fact.
The following year I had a check-up in Ft. Worth on 9.11.02. 101.5 were playing all things 9.11 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally sobbed for 3 hours straight. I was finally feeling what the rest of the world felt the year before. When I had walked in to the Dr.'s office they all just stared at me. I was a mess. I'm sure they were thinking, "that girl has issues."
That's the day I was released from my demons. Released from things, that had happened, that I had no control over. Released from decisions, I had made, that changed the course of my life. On my drive back home I was a completely different person.
It felt good to feel...
To not be numb to the world....
So every year on 9.11 I remember back to my "I don't give a damn days" and oh' so thankful that I was able to "snap" out of it.
I'm not going to say I've been there, because I don't want to make an assumption of where "there" was for you, but I have been in a similar place. I like who you are today, though! :)
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